Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Shopping

If you are a shopaholic, Pakistan is the country for you. Outstanding bargains are on offer, especially on transplant kidneys and other human organs. There are prestigious outlets in Lahore and Karachi, to cater for the individual taste of the discerning buyer. Please ensure that you get an international warranty on your purchase. 

There are some black sheep, who bring disrepute to the otherwise blameless trade. There have been occasional reports of removal of organs, without the knowledge of the donor. Be sure to check all your possessions before leaving hospital, including your internal and external organs.

Handicrafts

The major cottage industry is of IEDs, or improvised explosive devices. These outstanding works of art are lovingly handcrafted to suit a variety of situations, including tanks, armoured cars and humvees. They have been extensively tested and found to have provided the highest customer satisfaction in the recent EXPO in Swat. Because of the increasing popularity of these products, the ancillary industries are progressing rapidly as well. These include, scrap metal, artificial limbs and funeral services. This has provided a much needed boost to the national economy.

Carpets have been the traditional handicrafts. Fortunately there has been rapid development in this sector as well. New and modern patterns have been woven, and offer the same intricacy of design that has been our heritage for centuries. Therefore, in addition to Omar Khayyam, Bokhara Garden and Isfahan Orchard, you can now buy Bhurban Lie, Marriot Charade and Raiwind Pantomime.

Pakistan is also the world’s largest producer of anti personnel mines. These are available in attractive colours and toy shapes and are very popular with children. Don’t forget to buy some for your kids.   

Travel

The best way to travel to Pakistan is on a Cruise missile. Hellfire missile is another option, but there is less leg room and therefore the necessity for the legs to travel separately. Once inside Pakistan, we would recommend ISI Travels, the premier tour company. They will take care of all your needs, especially if you are feeling a bit adventurous and require anonymity. For a small charge, anonymity is available on a temporary or permanent basis. If you have further travel plans, they offer outstanding value travel packages to Bagram in Kabul and Guantanamo in the Caribbean.  For honeymooning couples, luxury accommodation is available in exclusive locations. For the holiday of a life time, book the Missing Persons suite. Please write directly to General Pasha, the company CEO.

People

The people of Pakistan take pride in their hospitality. They are broad minded and very tolerant of other creeds and lifestyles. There have been numerous initiatives to reach out and make contact with other cultures. The most successful of these efforts were undertaken by Dr Mohammad Ajmal Kassab, who has recently been appointed the Emeritus Chair of International Relations in Bombay. This is in recognition of his contribution to interfaith dialogue.

Many of the locals will want to take you home and look after you. This is an important part of their culture. You must not resist. It is customary to honour the guests by keeping them in shackles and offer beheadings on special occasions. If you happen to be offered this honour, you must consider yourself incredibly lucky and offer your thanks on a video recording.

For best video facilities, please contact

PTDC

Pakistan Tourism Development Corporation

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