Extraordinary Rendition

By Hakim Hazik 

The Honour and Glory of the Throne of Hindoostan, the Shadow of God, the Great Hero, the Great King, Noor ud Din Mohammad Jahangir Badar, MA (Pol Sci.), LLB (Pb.), will now address a press conference:  

My dear journalists, brathers and sisters, as you know, I sapeak many tongues, but I prefer Inglush.  This is becaz I am a dedicated pupil of Al-Haj Fazal Din, who is a master of tongues and whose brain is matchless. Specially his brain masala and tongue with chilli pepper. He is the rector and vice chancellor of Phajja Metropolitan Univarasty, Inside Bhati Gate, and outside Shahi Qila, the home of my ancestors, and my own home during the gormint of Ziaul Haq mahroom. Haji Fazal Din is also the mentor and teacher of my brather Mian Sahib.  

Dear Brathers, as you know, with the blessings of God, who has no shareek and with the hard work, courage and dedication of Shareek Chairman, we have achieved damo cracy. Brother Gilani is running the gormint, under the guidance of Shareek Chairman, the Chairman and the Central Exective Commaitee are running the paty, under the guidance of Shareek Chairman, and Mr Justuce Abdal Meed is running the Supreme Coat, under the guidance of Shareek Chairman.  

Dear Brathers, this is a victory for the masses and a triumph of damo cracy. For years, Shareek Chairman was on the run, now he is running the country. For years, he was inside, then he was outside and his persecutors were inside. Now they are all outside but very soon all the dictators will be inside. 

Dear Brathers, our country is facing a difficult time. It is impatant that our strategic assets are safe. Our bums are our strategic assets. All patriatic Pakistanis love atom bums and Ishwarya Rai's bum. They don't love Journal Tinpat. He is the biggest bum. Our bums are safe in the hands of Journal Kidwai. This is the view of Senator Bye Done. If it was not for noble and determined people like Journal Kidwai and Senator Bye Done, we could say bye bye to our bums and to civilisation. For civilisation, militarisation is impatant. For rule of la, constitutional package is impatant. They go hand in hand, just like me and Shareek Chairman.   

Dear brathers and dear sisters. I was in this press canference yesterday, with Shareek Chairman, Sharry Rman, Frooq Naek, and Raja Praise Ashraf. In this histaric press canference, the Shareek Chairman spelt out his viyyun of the future. He said, that all of us should have roti, kapra and makan. Specially makan. Shareek Chairman has therefore built makans all over the world. This is to strengthen damo cracy to empower people and to put Pakistan on the map of the world. He has put Pakistan on the map of Marbella, Surrey, Manhattan, Florida, and Houston, Texas. Shareek Chairman says he has a viyyun, that China and India will be soon transformed into large markets for Pakistani goods. He said that the issue of Dr A Q Khan is  not of his making. It should be considered settled. He said however that there is an opportunity to use Dr Khan's skills in expoating Pakistan goods, and may be useful to make him the head of Expoat Permotion Bureau. Dr Khan has already explored emerging markets of North Korea, Iran and Libya for Pakistani expoats.  

This would mean that we will live in a damo cratic, peaceful Pakistan, where our bums will be safe, our expoats will be booming, every bady will have a makan and judiciary will be independent, all under the guidance of Shareek Chairman, with the help of a canstitutional package. 

Also by Hakim Hazik: The Marsupial Nation, Meeda’s Touch