Extraordinary Rendition
by: Hakim Hazik
My dear Pakistani Brothers And Sisters,
At the stroke of midnight hour, on behalf of the valiant armed forces, I have taken over control as the Caliph of God on Earth, Emir of the Faithful, Chief Martial Law Administrator and President of the Moderately Islamic Republic of Pakistan.
Dear Brothers And Sisters,
Since the elections on 18th of February, the law and order in the country has deteriorated rapidly. The most sacred state institutions, such as the office of the President Tinpot has been held up to most vicious ridicule. We had to act to meet the nation’s expectations and we have performed our duty.
I have dissolved the parliament, and ordered that the prime minister and his cabinet be held in protective custody till the law and order is restored and the economy is back on track. This process should take no more than 10 years. I have appointed Gen. Zarrar Azim, the Minister of Finance. Gen. Azim is well known for his prudent management of national real estate assets. And has proven his mettle and his courage by developing hugely profitable enterprises in times of war and peace.
To promote trade and to kick start the economic recovery, I have appointed Admiral Mansoor ul Haq, the Minister Of Commerce. He is renowned across the world for his expertise in international trade. He has been instrumental in transferring modern technology to our armed forces and has taken keen interest in the development of international offshore banking.
The enemies of the state have infiltrated our most prestigious institutions, including the judiciary. I have appointed Mr Abdul Qayyum Malik, the Chief Justice of Pakistan. During the present turbulent times, Mr Malik has stood like a rock to support the rule of law and democracy. He has been a beacon to hope for the beleaguered legal fraternity. He has had a distinguished legal career and has repeatedly demonstrated his outstanding devotion and commitment to the constitution. The recordings of his erudite discourses on legal matters have made him a celebrity on the World Wide Web. I urge you all to acknowledge his strength of character and his profound learning.
We can not allow the most salacious and derogatory broadcasts to continue in the name of the freedom of the media. The valiant armed forces of this great country as well as the civilian armed forces, will not rest in peace till a thorough and conclusive chastisement is applied to Dr Butt’s butt. According to our legal experts this can be achieved by issuing an executive order, and a constitutional amendment will not be required. This agenda will be speedily achieved within 30 days of the establishment of this government. In the meanwhile, Dr Butt will be advised, under MLRO 1, not to move the aforementioned item abroad. To ensure compliance the aforementioned item will be placed on the exit control list.
The unnecessary profusion of the satellite channels will be curtailed. They add to an environment of cacophony and dissent and distract attention from our national goals. Only one news channel will be allowed, called the ISPR Channel.
The road ahead is difficult, but together we will reach our destination. One faith, one nation, one goal, one channel.
See Also: Defence Forces Corruption
Also by Hakim Hazik: Yes Minister Ji, Tinpot International Airlines
