Dear Citizens,

We are starting with this fundamental principle that we must make everyone a martyr. You may belong to any religion or caste or creed - that has nothing to do with the business of the State, for it is our sacred assignment to enforce correct moral behavior as the sole rightful guardians of morality.  We should be thankful that gone are the days when warfare in the name of God did not prevail in our part of the world.  

 Devotion to bloody warfare is and will always be our creed our mission our special hallmark that will distinguish us from the enemies of our profound and pure cultural values. We will continue to force our sublime vision down the throats of infidels even if it entails acts of so called ‘terror’ (a misnomer coined no doubt by aliens). We will sacrifice lives to uphold our great cause for we have not hesitated to shed blood in the past and we will shed blood again (not our own of course). We should keep that in front of us as our ideal and you will find that in due course of time Hindus would cease to be Hindus and Muslims would cease to be Muslims, not in the religious sense, but in the physical sense as living citizens of the State. You must also learn to differentiate between living and alive, since according to our plan your fellow citizens may not be living but they will always be alive as martyrs; and as it important to combine tradition with modernity we urge you to bury your hatchets and pick up your sniper rifles. By thorough implementation of the vision outlined above and by giving up your fastidious approach to killing, you can achieve your twin objectives of administering shahadat and addressing over population, as you have done in the past.
 
Thank you,
 From the Secretariat of the FOOLISH
(Fraternity of the Only Legitimate and Ideal Safe keepers of Humanity)
United Tribal Emirates of FATA