Et Tu Bootay

June 23, 2012 at 8:48 PMAdministrator

 

By: Hakim Hazik

 

Pakistan has been attacked again by Bahria Seals. Our sovereignty is in tatters. Malik Riaz has landed in Karachi on his Hawker 400XP, the product of latest, Zionist American stealth technology. 

Our valiant armed forces, currently headquartered in the back pocket of Malik Sahib, will give a befitting reply, as soon as they are finished with the global war on the Baloch university lecturers and other enemies of the state. More...

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Mughal e Azam

June 23, 2012 at 8:41 PMAdministrator

 

By: Hakim Hazik 

To Nuruddin Mohammad Arsalan:


You are charged with bringing into disrepute the office of the crown prince and heir to the throne for the love of a dissolute and lowly slave girl Malik Razia. You have incited the army of the realm to open rebellion. You have tried to collude with formation commanders of 10,000 troops each,  General E Zamir and General Shaukat and tried to deprive them of their conscience and their splendour which they had protected from the wily courtesan, Musharraf un Nisa with great artifice. More...

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The Thar Coal Project

June 23, 2012 at 8:36 PMAdministrator

By: Hakim Hazik


Sheikh Jingle Bells has beaten Dr Fruitcake in the gasification project. The learned Sheikh  has produced more gas for less dollars per cubic meters than the much advertised Thar Coal project. With such patriotic innovators among our midst we will soon export gas to Qatar and energy to Saudi Arabia. It is important to diversify our exports and discover new markets as the American economy is on its last legs, threatening our traditional exports of car bombs, Al-Qaida operatives in orange suits and Aafia Siddiqi. More...

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A Confidence Building Massacre

May 29, 2012 at 5:56 PMAdministrator

By: Hakim Hazik

When yours tiruly has a cold the whole of Kiranchi catches pneumonia. When yours tiruly has a touch of fever, Kiranchchi burns. When yours tiruly is called to visit the New Iscottland Yard, half the young men in Kiranchi will loose their kneecaps. 

 

 

That’s the way it is going to be, so the kleeshan partners should get used to it and not istart taking out the Love the Homeland rallies on filimsy excuses. We will wear birown shirts and repeat the crystal night a hundred times. We send our istorm tiroopers to demolish all the Aman kmaitees and we will istart a fire that even Malik Sahib will not be able to extinguish. More...

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The Detailed Judgement

May 11, 2012 at 7:35 PMAdministrator

By: Hakim Hazik

The court has with patience and with a generosity of spirit examined the presentation of the learned defense counsel Aitzaz Ahsan ASC and has been unimpressed with his bizarre antics. This is a far cry from the time when he was the doyen of the movement for the rule of law in this country. More...

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The Soft Strategic Depth

May 11, 2012 at 7:31 PMAdministrator

By: Hakim Hazik

Durand Line divides the great land mass of Fak-Ap and the bottom of Maulana Fazlur Rehman into two parts. This does not mean that one part has primacy over the other. The local people are aware of it and travel freely across it to see their kith and kin. More...

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The Rule of Law

May 11, 2012 at 7:28 PMAdministrator

By: Hakim Hazik

This court finds you Yusuf Raza Gilani s/o Syed Alamdar Husain Gilani, guilty of willful flouting of our orders and of contempt of this court.

We have tried our best to improve your letter writing skills. We have employed the best tutor in the land, the most famous and able grammarian after Panini, Professor Ahmed Shuja Pasha, to give you private tuition in letter writing and composition, but you have willfully not availed of this opportunity. More...

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The Fastest Growing Religion

May 11, 2012 at 7:25 PMAdministrator

By: Hakim Hazik

In the end, justice and the true message has prevailed. Faryal Bibi was allowed to go with her lawfully wedded husband. There is no doubt that she had embraced the true message of her own volition and after careful consideration of its beauty and simplicity, in the two hours that she was taken from her home and driven hell for leather to the dargah sharif, to be married to the pious bridegroom chosen for her by the Pir Sahib. More...

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The Tsunami Warning

May 11, 2012 at 7:19 PMAdministrator

 

By: Hakim Hazik

Never has the Ummah been at such cross roads. A bunch of terrorists led by the notorious Farzana Bari invaded the parliament and spoke to the Maulana with insolence in their eyes and venom in their voice. Maulana, to his credit, exhibited extreme self-control and did apply any physical reprimand which is allowed to him under our sacred law and custom. More...

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Sharia By Credit Card

May 11, 2012 at 7:12 PMAdministrator

 By: Hakim Hazik

At last the enemies of Islam have put a bounty on my head. As all the faithful know, it is a very level head. It is a treasure house of all the holy names that will come tumbling out if I undertake the Sufi practice of waterboarding in the famous Cuban khanqah, with the help of my acolytes and disciples from the dargah Langley Sharif.

Tears well up in my eyes when I think of Shaheed Abudllah Azzam. He would be very proud if he knew that Allah SWT has granted us this honour. Alas, he did not live to see this day and fell a martyr to the bomb of Shaheed OBL. More...

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Classified Ads

May 11, 2012 at 7:05 PMAdministrator

By: Hakim Hazik

Michelin Tyres for Better Burning:

For better results, buy Michelin tyre, burns longer with severely acrid smoke to rip out your lungs. Customer satisfaction guaranteed.  Money back if does not burn to your satisfaction or within 30 days if not used. Must be returned in original packing.

Note: terms and conditions apply. Must not be used for locomotion. Keep away from the reach of children.

FREEFor every buyer: 2 American flags, pretreated with special formula for efficient burning. More...

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Dajjal Super Highway

May 11, 2012 at 6:49 PMAdministrator

By: Hakim Hazik

This joint session of parliament resolves that the national sovereignty is supreme.

We are very grateful for the painstaking research undertaken by Professor Mad Hamid, the world renowned scholar of economics and the doyen of economics publications such as The Economist, the Far Eastern Economic Review and the Mad Magazine. He has quite clearly shown that the US owes us ninety billion dollars. More...

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General Pious Beg Mirza

April 17, 2012 at 7:38 PMAdministrator

 

By: Hakim Hazik

At long last, we have the man who will be laughing all the way to Stockholm. An unbeatable contender who will trounce Edhi to win the Nobel prize. As accolades pour in from across the world, it is important to emphasize that this stalwart did not act alone but led a crack team of professionals with razor sharp minds and sharp razors in their pockets which they used to good advantage to cut any political throats on offer.  More...

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The Secret Sword of Islam

April 17, 2012 at 7:21 PMAdministrator

By: Hakim Hazik

The worthy scion of Osmanli, the unrivaled Caliph of the faithful of the east and the west, the pillar of faith, the sword of Islam and the mole of the Ummah, General Ahmed Shuja Pasha has decided to take a retirement after a lifetime of serving the nation. He will undertake a journey to the Holy Land of District Khushab, to spend his days in reflection and contemplation of the power of the Almighty Nuclear Chain Reaction.  More...

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Jinnahpur Resolution

April 17, 2012 at 7:14 PMAdministrator

The Quaid Ispeaks

By: Hakim Hazik

Dear daughters af the Mutahidda nation, rejoice. Yours was the biggest jalsa in the history of Jinnahpur. It has been certified by the Guiness Book of World Records and the London Metropolitan Police who have confirmed the size of the jalsa and the innocence of your birruther. It was the only feature in the bilessed Port City which could be seen from the outer ispace, ipart from the Defense Housing Society and the Amreekan Embassy. My eyes are wet, as I listen to the inspiring songs of Shazia Khushk. More...

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چوہیاں دے گل وچ ٹلیاں

February 19, 2012 at 11:17 AMAdministrator

محمد ایوب

 

بلیاں آپا کیتا

ایہہ چوہے بڑے کھتان

پولے پیریں آندے

مٹھیاں چوریاں کھاندے

کردے بڑا زیان'

More...

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Difa e Pakistan Fruit Juice

February 19, 2012 at 10:57 AMAdministrator

 

 

Extraordinary Rendtion

By: Hakim Hazik

 

In the name of Allah, SWT, who created the universe which extends all the way to the Amu Darya. Blessed be His name who created the the Afghan jihad, Pak Arab Fertilizer Factory, Wifaq ul Madaris (Arabiyya) and Soft Stretegic Depth. 

 

Our blessing and salutations to Sipah Salar e Ummat, Field Marshal, Shadow of God, Avatar Pervez Kayani and Jasoos e Millat, Shadow of the Shadow, General Pasha the Lion Heart. More...

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Sipah Salar Manual of Enhanced Interrogation

February 11, 2012 at 2:08 PMAdministrator

 

 


Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

My Lords,

 

On the behalf of the Sipah Salar, Field Marshal Avatar Pervez and the leader of the Maimanah, General Braveheart, I submit that the detention was legal under the Army Act 1952, section 2 sub clause 1 (d). More...

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The Bhati Gate Scandal

February 7, 2012 at 9:27 PMAdministrator

Tuzk e Jahangiri

By: Hakim Hazik

 

Lau ji take that, Tzasab is going to the Sapreem Coat, and nat yours tarooly, the highly qualified liar and moreover the Secty Journal af the patty. Haooever, Shriek Chairman says this is a good idea. He has asked me to write to Tzasab and reinstate him into the Central Zective Kmaitee. More...

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The Islamic Republic of Folinic Acid

February 4, 2012 at 11:20 AMAdministrator

 

 

 

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

A male never grows old. Dejection is a sin. Have you heard of the dead man rising in Muradabad? Rohu fish allows you to overcome the deficiency of calcium and improves your carnal powers. If only you take the vitamins that I take from Efroze Pharma, you will always stay young and continue to marry highly desirable women separated from highly undesirable men and continue to perform your conjugal duties to the highest standards. More...

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