Jizya by Direct Debit

September 29, 2012 at 9:49 AMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Congratulations to the Ummah. We have found the answer to the blasphemy and insolence of the dying and decadent West. Haji Ghulam Ahmed Bilour has announced a bounty on the head of the accursed film maker. It is only a matter of time before a spirited individual will show the world the stuff that the Ummah is made of. This will not only preserve our honour as an Ummah, but also will safeguard the cinemas of belonging to Haji Sahib. As our readers will know, some irresponsible elements wanted to burn these repositories of high Islamic art to the ground. More...

Posted in:

Tags:

The Last Tango in Islamabad

September 22, 2012 at 11:42 AMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

We are ready. All the preparations are complete. The road blocks are in place. The Red Zone has been sealed, so that even Brother Haqqani cannot get in; not even in an ISI car. The water cannon and the tear gas will be used judiciously, before live bullets are fired. The containers will eventually give way, in accordance with the carefully written script. More...

Posted in:

Tags:

The National Tragedy

September 15, 2012 at 12:38 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

It was a historic day that ended in tragedy; a tragedy that has not failed to touch all of us, regardless of class and status. The President has cancelled his tour to his French chateau via Burj Dubai and the Mian Sahib, acting swiftly, has postponed the project of buying free iPhones for foreign correspondents. The Field Marshal is has given the batman the evening off and is stretched on his camp bed, fully clothed, staring at the ceiling and thinking how things came to such a pass that he has to rehire his retired generals to protect them from the grubby paws of the bloody civilians.  More...

Posted in:

Tags:

The Islamic Banana

September 8, 2012 at 12:43 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

The Republic is in safe hands; in the safe hands of the wily President Coyote. He expertly steered the ship of the nation through various shoals and bluffs which would have fooled a lesser sea captain. Many a stalwart have fallen having redeemed the tradition of chivalry in these times of deceit and chicanery. More...

Posted in:

Tags:

The Objectives Resolution 2012

September 8, 2012 at 12:32 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Whereas it is unclear how the universe began, or whether there is an over arching mechanism of oversight, the sovereignty in this Land of Pakistan belongs to its people alone. More...

Posted in:

Tags:

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sipahi

September 8, 2012 at 10:03 AMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

I am afraid that the Americans have driven me to distraction. They have refused cough up or to shut up. In the end I had to crawl on all fours to get them to restore the NATO supplies. Otherwise Islam would have been in serious danger and the welfare projects of 25 billion, that we have undertaken, would have to be wound up. The Defense Colonies would have turned into tent villages and the Fauji Foundation would have to be turned into a punctures repair shops for the indigent corps commanders. The Army wives would have to do tailoring and needle work to make ends meet. More...

Posted in:

Tags:

Nikah

September 8, 2012 at 9:57 AMAdministrator

 

Nikah

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

This war is not our war. We are killing our own people to please foreign masters whereas we should be killing our own people to please our own masters. This is what I have always said. We need our own tsunami and we need it in our own teacup. More...

Posted in:

Tags: